In the woods there grew a tree, and a fine fine tree was he.

My Garden.

Its Saturday and I feel like celebrating. I'm getting pretty bored of not knowing anyone in Bath. Maybe I should join a maypole dancing club.

So whats been going on with me?

nothing much

I have been gardening quite alot (and looking at my baby pumpkin vines, trying to give brainwaves of big love to them)

ugh i so cannot be bothered to blog right now.
the weather is super super nice still.
just a quick one to say

Todd Solondz is my hero!

JUST MADE MY PUMPKIN PATCH
SO TIRED
MIGHT DIE
NEED A BATH

and the ass saw the angel

It's so HOT.
I've been digging in the garden, making polite chit chat with the man from next door and generally sunning myself. It all sounds so relaxing and lovely doesn't it. Well it wasn't. I'm way too hot, I'm muddy and I have a blister in the middle of both palms.
I'm going to go and finish my book 'and the ass saw the angel'. I bought it for Robin when he finished his masters and I've only just gotten around to reading it myself. There is a horrible scoundrel in it called Crow Jane (my Crow Jane is curled up snoozing in the sun right now) and it's set in the swamps of the deep south of America, it's tragic and isolating and terrible and funny and brilliant. I would wholehearted recommend it.

I am going to read Nick Caves' new book after I am finished with this one but I don't think I'm going to like it as much. I have sneaking suspicion that it's going to be much more polished and not so dreamy.
If this is the Nick Cave that wrote 'and the ass saw the angel'

And this is the Nick Cave that wrote 'the death of Bunny Monroe'. I know which one I prefer.

I do love Nick though, seriously, I just think that a crazy young hedonistic lifestyle makes for fantastic writing, and a family man who is a genius artist musician and all the rest of it makes a great writer. But it's not the same is it.

I guess I'll find out either way.

I've got my fingers crossed about the job interview I had this afternoon. So that's the only thing on my mind really.

You're my Xander shaped friend.

Whilst trying to think of who I could feature as my hero today it became pretty much apparent to me that I hate people way way way more than I love them. For example I really hate Katie Melua. I hate her curly hair and her stupid bum chin , I really hate her lame dumb jazzy pop songs and the fact that all her lyrics are so flipping introspective but don't mean anything..

"If you were a cowboy I would trail you
If you were a piece of wood I'd nail you to the floor
If you were a sailboat I would sail you to the shore."

Last night she was on T.V dressed up like some stupid Lady GaGa desperado but at the same time being the 'female' version of the ultimate jazz runt. I almost puked up all over myself. The absolute worst thing is that I've told Rob I hate her so many times he doesn't care anymore, like an old man he just grunts to acknowledge I've spoken without looking up from his newspaper (iPhone). I'm left in my own built up stupor of hatred bouncing around on the sofa telling myself how awful she is, like a basket case.

ugh.

O.K now that's out of my system lets get down to business.

My hero this week is.....

Alexander LaVelle Harris

Xander is one of my very favorite T.V characters of all time.
I love the simple fact that in his world of crazy vampires and demons and slayers and witches and God knows what else, he is the only one without any kind of power, he isn't even brave or strong. He's just a normal wally but he still saves the world a million times over. He saves the world by just being your friend and cracking jokes and fluking his way though the fight every time the world is about to end.
(And I love a 90's boy in a grungy dorky jumper.)

"What do you think happened? Another demon woman was attracted to me. I'm going gay! I've decided I'm turning gay. Willow, gay me up. Come on, let's gay"

I also super love that Xander has the worst luck in the world with women, never mind the fact that almost all the women that are interested in him are demons, they are usually man eating vengeance demons who want his seed and then want to eat him.

I've been thinking about Buffy rather a lot recently because the new series of Doctor Who is eerily reminiscent of a lot of Buffy story lines. Like the fact that the loser boyfriend might actually win over the Doctor when it comes to the girl. And the whole Amy crack in time and space thing seems rather a lot like Dawn being the key to other dimensions. Don't get me wrong I like it, it will be interesting to see if it turns out that way or not though.

Anyhoo.

Alexander LaVelle Harris, you are my hero!!

Now don't you have an elsewhere to be........

o.k enough of that mushy stuff.

Top 5 things that cheer me right up.

5.

Anything with Ryan Gosling, mostly Lars and the real girl but I could settle for the notebook or some dead mens bones. Or that film he did with Sandra B, Murder by numbers?

4.

An ultra violent movie, like Funny Games or Switch Blade Romance or Saw.

3.

Ryan.

2.

Chocolate peanut butter anything, nom nom nom. And ginger beer.

1.

!!!

by the by

I just thought of who would make an AMAZING Sal Paradise.

Elias Koteas


O.k I suppose he's a bit old, but twenty years ago he would have been beyond perfect.
I'm so right!

apple pie a la mode.

It's Friday and I'm feeling much much more alive today. The cats have been playing a silly stalking, pouncing game all morning and have just curled up for a cat nap. Stagger Lee meowed at me for his breakfast, it's his first words (I'm so proud). They have started following me around the house in the mornings before I feed them.
Yesterday I really felt like reading 'On the Road' but I don't own a copy and found out that they are making it into a movie starring the guy from 'Control' as Sal and whats her face from Twilight as Marylou and some unknown guy who I googled playing Dean....

(come on, he looks like something out of Home and Away)

..can't you just see them at a pancake house in the Mid West chowing down on apple pie a la mode. Um no, they all seem a little too sexy in a skinny trendy type way for my liking. Not that it really matters.

I wish I were a crack in time, I don't really like being a girl.

Last night my head itched so ferociously I thought I might die. It is kind of other worldly to be awake at 4am just because you can't stop itching an itch on the top of your head. It made me feel a bit doolally, if you know what I mean. Just typing this I can feel it start to tingle again. Maybe someone has put a curse on me (it wouldn't be the first time).
I found out that the baby next door is called Xander, which must be some sort of sign. I also read this week that the real life man who is Xander has gone to rehab in Malibu or some other dumb place like that because he is a fat alcoholic, knowing things like that are life affirming, only in a lousy way, like when my Dad used to tell me to stop living in a daydream when I was seventeen and working at Argos, I was like 'thanks Dad now I can fully enjoy the splendor of life working the worst job of my life in the Midlands.'
Hmm it's just started raining, if I had a bottle of wine I'd strech out and make a toast to a beautiful afternoon.

I haven't blogged for over a week because we got burgled!! It's scary thinking some despro druggie sneaked into our house and nicked the laptop and my wallet and looked at all my stuff. I just hope it wasn't Ryan Adams (theres this homeless guy who hangs around town begging for money who looks just like a super grungy Ryan Adams).
It was my 25th birthday last Wednesday, even scarier, and apart from not feeling very well I had a pretty good time. Robin got m a baby Magnolia tree and in the evening we went to the cinema to see 'dogtooth', a Greek black comedy which is the kind of weird bellyaching stuff I bloody love but Robin asked his brother and his girlfriend if they wanted to come along too. It got to about thirty seconds before we went into the cinema and I'm standing with Matt in front of the film poster and he lets rip that he can't understand why the film is rated 18. Oops, Robin obviously didn't warn them what kind of film this is. So I had to gently break the news that "I think this film might have some pretty gratuitous sex in it". I think they liked it in the end, kind of.



It's a rainy day today, I wanted to make a pumpkin patch in my garden but I think I'll just roll around on the floor with the cats instead.

Your My Hero

I have decided to make Tuesdays 'Hero day' on my blog. For now anyway.

First up is a man who changed my life in the late 1990's, early 2000's. A man who is so gross, so disgusting, so outrageous, so offensive, so fricking funny I wanted to marry him.

The man in question?

Tom Green!!!

I'm sure a heck of a lot of people hated this god of a man, and others just rode the wave of MTV prime time while he was 'cool' but I find myself being utterly faithful to things I have loved. In the same way I hold grudges always and forever I will love everything I have ever loved until the end of time. I'm like a guard puppy, standing up for all the crappy things I love.
Tom peaked at the end of his MTV show when he was diagnosed with testicular cancer and made a TV special about the entire thing. What a guy.
I even had a VHS tape on to which I had compiled six hours (long play) of my favorite Tom Green moments. I sometimes wonder if it's still at my parents house but alas I fear I know the truth, it will have been taped over with some bleak German film about something totally bleak and unwatchable courtesy of my mother.
Hooray for Tom. Hip hip hooray.

There was a boy, a very strange enchanted boy.

In the words of Usher "Oh My Gosh"! Last night I had a romantic dream featuring David Cameron. NO no no it wasn't X-rated, thank goodness, but it was super romantic. He took me to Mongolia and gave me his grandmothers diamond ring. I have a terrible history of having a massive crush on people I have had similar dreams about. Last time it was the curly haired Irish one everybody hates from 'Misfits.'

And don't even get me started on Jude Law.
But Seriously, I think I fancy David Cameron. God help me!
Maybe once I turn 25 I'll be cured of my ridiculous obsession with love. Or maybe I'll just go watch Moulin Rouge.

MAY 2nd 2009

This exact time last year I was dying my hair peachy gingery pink, watching U-Turn and eating grapes with my little sister.

Things what I love.

I am so in love with this vampiress ring!!! Actually I love all the amazing jewels from this company in the big apple. I would feel like Buffy Summers wearing this ring, all 'hell yes I love vampires. And not the wimpy kind but the ones that BITE.'


I so need some new glasses, seeing as I've had the same ones since I was 17 and they where hand me down frames from my mum. I flicking love these, I think they are called Daddy Mojo which makes me want to shout Mojo JoJo.


A grizzly bear sleeping bag! I really don't need to explain why this is the best thing ever.


Wah Wah Wah. My whole life now has a meaning, I have to get my naughty semi feral boys to love me enough that they will wear monster hats!




Modern Family, I salute you.



I want this brooch so bad it hurts. Seriously.




And the piece de resistance is Pineapple Dance Studios. I love it so much I can't tell you. I find my self laughing so hard at this show that even I think it's fake laughter (no one can laugh that hard that long at something so stupid, right?) Louie Spence is the best thing that ever happened to reality TV, well actually he's probably the best thing that's ever happened to TV. And that dumb 'starman wanna be pop star' guy makes me cringe so hard I feel like I might turn inside out. WONDERFUL.